The Crossline Community Groups Podcast

Should Small Groups Include People From Other Churches?

• Jordan Gash • Episode 17

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Can small groups “mix” churches? Should they? Or does it hurt unity, depth, and discipleship?

In this episode of the Crossline Community Podcast, Pastor Jordan Gash tackles a real-world issue every group leader eventually faces: What do I do when someone joins our group… but doesn’t attend our church?

Drawing from Scripture, small group leadership experience, and real tensions Jordan has walked through, this episode explores why this issue exists and how the early church faced similar challenges. Jordan addresses the dilemmas mixed-church groups navigate such as denominational differences, church culture differences, alignment issues, different weekly experiences, awkwardness, shallow connection, and the challenge of depth when group members aren’t embedded in the same church community.

He also highlights the unexpected benefits such as broader reach, the “big-C Church” unity perspective, fresh ideas from different church traditions, and how multiple teaching influences can deepen biblical insight.

Jordan walks through the disadvantages honestly and helps leaders understand when mixed-church dynamics become a barrier to connection and spiritual growth.

He then shares his pastoral answer on whether group leaders should allow mixed-church participation, when it’s wise, when it may be limiting, and how to handle these situations with grace, unity, and clarity. He also speaks directly to small group pastors on how to guide leaders through this without division or legalism.

The episode ends with Jordan’s blessing from Philippians 1:9–11, praying for love, discernment, and depth of insight for every listener.

This episode is helpful for small group leaders, group pastors, anyone navigating community in a multi-church environment, and churches wanting clarity on group alignment.

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SPEAKER_00:

Well, hey everyone. Welcome to the Crossline Community Groups podcast. My name is Jordan Gash, and I'm the community life pastor at Crossline Community Church down in Laguna Hills, California. But we're so thankful that you're joining with us today again. Whether you are a crossline member or a crossline leader and you're listening for your own personal kind of growth and kind of direction for me as the pastor there, or if you're just tuning in as a uh as a listener, as being a part of a small group somewhere else, or maybe you're a small group pastor somewhere, or maybe you're a small group leader. That's what this podcast is for. It's designed for each and every one of you to give you some insights and maybe some helpful tips and tricks on ways that you can navigate small groups in the best possible way for greater effectiveness, at least according to my opinion. We're going that direction. Lots of opinions out there, but I have been doing this for a good chunk of uh about 10 years now, and I'm starting to figure some things out. So we're getting excited about that. But um again, I want to take a moment just to affirm you and say thank you so much for what you're doing within your community. If you are a small group leader, what you're doing matters, and the Lord uh is is using you to impact small flocks of people all throughout the community for the glory of God. And I just want to say thank you for that. It's cannot be understated what you're doing for the kingdom. So keep going. You're doing great. Well, we have a fun episode today because it has to do with something that is very practical. It happens all the time. And what are we supposed to do about it, whether you're a group leader or you're a small group pastor? And uh, I'll just kind of explain it in this way. So, say there's a new small group and uh it's going great, and you launch it out of your church and you're seeing all these great things happen and you're getting closer and connected. Um, but then one of your friends says, Hey, can I invite one of my friends to come and join us in our group and into our group? And you say, Sure, that sounds great. But then you find out as they come the first time that they actually they don't attend your church, they attend a different church. It and you think to yourself, wait, wait, wait, uh is wait, is this is this okay? Like, is this a problem? I mean, they're they're they're here and they want to explore the Bible, but they're not part of our church. And you start to have that little thing in your mind, you're like, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, right? And that's exactly what we're gonna talk about. We're gonna talk about can we all play nice in the sandbox? Is that is that a good or a bad thing? Can small groups be a place where churches can intermingle, or should it stay very consistently with the church that the leader participates in, or should it be all the group members have to be actively participating in one specific brick and mortar church? Like what does that actually look like and how are we actually going to navigate that? So we're gonna talk to talk about that from the place of the small group leader, and then I'm gonna talk a little bit about what does a small group pastor, how do they navigate it? And what are the kind of the choices and options for you as you kind of begin to encounter this within your group? Because um, if it hasn't already happened, it does it will happen. Um there's plenty of groups out there that have multiple different churches represented, and we just kind of have to make a decision on how we want to go about that. So what now again, we wouldn't be even having this conversation if it didn't at least present some dilemmas in having a mixed group. And so let's just talk a little bit about maybe what are some of these dilemmas that could come from having a group that has people from different churches. Uh, the first thing really could be just simple the denominational flavors. Like maybe your church is of one denomination and they're from another denomination. And though you still both confess Christ as Lord and you still believe in the Trinity and you believe in all the things that are kind of the foundational tenets of the, you know, Christian faith, there are subtle differences with each denomination. Um, and then even if you go kind of from a Protestant denomination, even to the Catholic kind of church, you know, both believing in Jesus, both seeking out the Lord, but very different in the ways that it operates. And so there's a lot of those dilemmas that could kind of be a part of that. Just the denominational flavors and how people go about it, what's of the greater value, what's kind of more emphasized, how do you discuss, how do you pray? All those things can kind of go into when you bring that into a uh small group setting. Another thing could be the different weekly experiences. Um if you're having different services each Sunday, you're just having kind of maybe a different way of you know, the Lord emphasizing maybe something on your heart. Maybe one group is going through all through the book of Job, and the whole pastor's leading through Job, and it's a deep, you know, discussion around challenge and suffering and finding that, where the other group is uh is doing a relationship series all around love, right? It's those are just different flavors that can kind of can be brought into the group. Um very real. It could be the competition of events. Hey, you got Christmas, Christmas or for us, it's right around the corner. Uh, we got lots of Christmas events, and those are on different weekends and days. The other person's events might be that day too, and it's like, well, what are we gonna do as a group? Should we go together? Should we just be separate? This person's inviting me to theirs, but maybe I should go to mine. I mean, those are kind of just little dilemmas that you can have. Um unalignment, and let me explain what unalignment, why that could be a dilemma. It could just be an unalignment in really the culture of a church, kind of uh the way that's represented, but also it could be unalignment and sometimes, and I as a small group pastor can attest to this. Sometimes we we want to direct our small group leaders in a particular direction. Um maybe we want to pull everybody together for a for a series or an emphasis where all the groups are gonna kind of go through this at the same time and we're gonna connect in that way. And that might not be the case with the other the other church. And is that gonna present a problem? Is that gonna be something that's gonna be a miss for that person? Uh conflicting commitments, again, that kind of goes back to the events. Maybe there's different things that happen at your church that you have to commit to that you can't, the other person's church. Um and then sometimes you also have the dilemma of prayer requests being a little bit less familiar. You know, if if there's somebody that's a part of a church and everybody knows Bob, right? And Bob is this amazing usher that's at the church that everybody loves. And Bob, again, this is just hypothetical, right? Bob is going through cancer. And hey, we're gonna be praying for Bob. We got to be praying for his wife, Sherry, and we really just got, you know, we want to be supporting him. We're gonna come alongside him and see how we can kind of actually support his family through this, or could be even something, hey, this has happened to somebody else, and we're gonna go go fund me. And uh something along those lines where then it's like that person that's not a part of that church just can feel a little bit disconnected to that story, even though it's not necessarily wrong, it's just a little bit disconnected. So these are just some of the dilemmas of why this is even a conversation. And these things are legitimate, these are these are real things, but are those things great enough quote unquote dilemmas that it should make us make decisive action to say that that's not allowed? Um, and that's kind of what I want to get into. Now, why and when did this become a complication? Because it's interesting, I you know, I've been I'm currently I'm going through the book of Acts, and um, I'm really I love going to the book of Acts and looking at the ways that churches were started. What was the key foundational part of each church as they began? And I mean, some of the clear things that you see in each of these churches that were started in the book of Acts is you see a deep emphasis on um on caring for the needy. You see an emphasis on being uh willing to send and send out missionaries and witness to the gospel. But one thing that it's it's clear as day for you to see in a lot of these early churches is the commitment to community and the small groups. Small groups is such a huge part of the foundations of the church of Christ. And so um, and in the beginning, when in the end of the gospels, you know, Jesus dies and raises again, and then you have Acts chapter one, and Jesus ascends, and then now you're you have all these disciples, and they're there, and like, okay, well, what do we do now? And they started gathering together, being together in prayer. Um, but it was one entity. It was this one entity uh of faith. Now you have the Pentecost, the Holy Spirit comes, and then from there, and again, I'm not gonna go through all the details right now. You guys, most of you guys know the story, but then the church spreads like wildfire. Like in the first sermon, you know, thousands of people are added to the church, and then more and more segments of the church kind of even grow, and it's happening all throughout Jerusalem. But then even as it expands, then there's persecution that comes and it scatters, and then then we start expanding out, and we start to see new churches and other places. Like there's now the church that starts in Samaria and then Caesarea, and then and then it actually makes it all the way up to Antioch, and you go to Cyprus, and then it even expands as Paul goes those missionary journeys into Philippi and Thessalonica and Ephesus, Corinth. I mean, all these churches start to actually form all over the world to the point where fast forward. Now look at us now. We have, you know, um hundreds of thousands of churches all across the world. And so this began um to be a thing, right? Instead of just the one hub of believers that were in Jerusalem that were meeting as small groups. Now you have a little bit of representations, representation, and you would think maybe this wasn't really a problem until you know these actually official churches kind of get formed, these brick and mortar churches that really come, again, spare you all the details with Constantine and all that, but like, but it actually happens even early on, and we actually even have a little bit of this complication, even begin as uh Paul starts talking to the church at Corinth. And in First Corinthians, he's he's writing a letter and he says in chapter one of 1 Corinthians, he says, I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of the Lord Jesus, that all of you agree with one another in what you say, and that there is no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there is quarrels among you. What this means is one of you says, I follow Paul, another says, I follow Apollos, another, I follow Cephas, which is the name for Paul uh for Peter, still another, I follow Christ. Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of Paul? And so you see, even on in Corinth, there's even these some of these quarrels that are happening even within these households and they're and these little gatherings where some people are siding with particular teachers and leaders. Some are all about Paul, the founder of the church. But then you have this uh young, ambitious theologian, you know, from Alexandria named Apollos, and he's really good at debating, and he's really he's really great too. And people like him. And then some people are like, it's foundational Peter, it's all about that. And some are like, it's just all about Jesus, it's focused on Jesus, right? And you have these start to have these divisions. And he even continues on in that letter as uh in chapter three, and he says it again. He says, What after all is Apollos? This is verse five. What after all is Apollos? What is Paul? Only servants through whom you came to believe, as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seas of seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who makes things grow. Um So Paul is really trying to emphasize what it sounds like, and in these words and these verses, what it sounds like is listen, this whole leadership thing and where you're kind of getting your pastoring, that's that's just not as important. The main foundational principle is the Lord. Yes, you want to have godly teachers and people that are teaching it accurately, but in the end, we need to focus on God, and we can't have this uh this ideology where we we uplift a particular a particular leader or a particular teacher and make them our God or make them kind of the focus. And so, even in a sense in the early church, we're beginning to see that with new leaders, with new teachers, with even expanding churches, there are beginning to be slightly different uh opinions, and there's gonna be little quarrels that begin within that. So I'm not saying that having different members of your group being different parts of different churches is going to necessarily produce quarrels, but it is gonna produce differences. There's gonna be some differences. You can focus on the one Lord and you can focus on uh on the scriptures, which is the same, but there's just gonna be some things that are gonna be introduced into that. So this has been going on for a long time, and as we expand to the crazy amount of denominations that we have today and the wide different ways that we do church, it just becomes a thing. So, Mr. or Mrs. Leader, what are you gonna do about it? Or Mr. and Mr. uh Mrs. Uh you know, pastor, small group pastor, what are you gonna do about it? Like, does this have to end? If we find out that people are from different churches, are we going to direct them that they can't be part of it? I'm gonna give you an answer, my answer to that question, what I believe to be, in my opinion, what I would do and how I would guide people. But let's talk about the pros and the cons of having people of a different church as a part of your group first. Because I think those that's important. Because there are pros. Having people as a beer that are not part of the all the same church within a small group, there are some great things that kind of come out of that. The first thing is when you have the ability to kind of you know not have the quote unquote boundaries of you have to participate in my church, you naturally could have even greater a greater reach for more people. Um Hey, we're just we want to gather as believers, we want to study God's word and we want to grow together. And I don't have to have the disclaimer of like, well, what church do you go? Did you go do you go to Crossline? Oh, you don't? Uh well, maybe you should look for another group. Like if that's that that inhibits your reach if that's a a pre-qualification that somebody has to have. And so there is that pro. Hey, we're just getting gathering together, we're joining together, we're seeking the Lord together. Come be a part of it. Um, even go, you know, extending that even beyond. I like I like the big sea church mentality. The big sea church. God, there's you know, what we say is, how many churches are there in the world? There's one. There's one church, it's Christ church. So that mentality is that big C church that God's gonna build his church, that that Christ is the king, and we can kind of have this big C church mentality, and it's almost encouraging to kind of go look at us. We're all we're all together, we're unified. It's not contingent on the leader, it's not contingent on a particular way of doing things. We can actually unify around Christ and his scriptures together. So that's pretty exciting. Um, and then there's when when you can't necessarily put all the eggs in the basket of your church leadership because maybe your group represents multiple different churches, when you can't put all your eggs in in one thing, it actually forces you to have more ownership of your own personal vision for your church. It actually elevates sometimes the leader themselves. So understanding that the leader actually, when when they don't have the church necessarily that is the fountain, you know, the 100% direction of what they're doing, then they actually have to step up a little bit and actually own a personal vision that's gonna unite everybody within their group, regardless of what church you're part of. I like that there's another pro. You get more ideas. I one of the things I'm a pastor at Crossline. Um, I love my church. I love going to my church, I love going to my services. But I've even talked to my my team and my executive team, and we talked about the idea of, hey, every once in a while, it's a good idea for us to go to another church, you know, go to another service, just worship with them and then be able to experience, like, hey, what are they doing? What ideas can I even kind of glean from what things best practices? Wow, that's really good. They do that in a really cool way. Or I love the way they taught that, or I love the how they set up communion, all those different things. Those are great ideas. And so even when you have that in a smaller kind of picture within um within the uh small group, you get new ideas and uh from different churches. And so you kind of even can take that as a positive. Not all ideas are are bad. Actually, a lot of ideas are good as you bounce them around in a laboratory of what works and what's the best. And then finally, I think you know, you have multiple, you have multiple churches, you have multiple teachers. And if you have multiple teachers, then you get multiple insights and you can have almost deeper insights into the scriptures. Um people may say that if you have multiple voices that are teaching a passage in one way, that that's going to make it more confusing. I I disagree. I think as you look at different ways that teachers teach a certain passage or the ways they explain things, it actually can even broaden our understanding of each scripture as we see kind of maybe some of the ways that the particular teachers bring their experience into that, their understanding into it. And so it's actually pretty cool because you can have even more of that going on with things. So there are pros to having people from other churches in your in your group. Okay, finally, before I give you my answer, I promise you I'll give you my answer, but before we I do that, I do want to talk about what are what are the cons. And we've talked a little bit about that regarding even the the dilemmas, but I think just kind of boiling it down to um kind of in a nutshell. So the the key things that are the cons of having different people is, and I'll just say it as it is, it's competition. I I'd like to say that we're all perfect and and holy and never prideful, but that the only person that was never prideful, perfect, and holy was Jesus, right? And so um sometimes we have this attitude where it's like if we especially if we like our church and we enjoy our church, we we can get into this attitude of like wanting to one up the other the other person's church, the other couple's church. Man, I just um, you know, I um I I just I think my church is better here, I think this is better. And it's like, oh, we should come to this event. Oh, oh, your your pastor did this, or our pastor did that. It's like it it just naturally can happen. Um another con um of having people in different churches is there's there's awkwardness sometimes, even especially, and I can attest to this because I actually have been this. I've been this person when we switched from we were part of a church and um I was pastoring there and we are part of a small group, but then I got a job somewhere else uh a little later, but I still loved all those people and I wanted to participate with that group, and I didn't want to lead that group. I was participating in another, I was at another church, and so we lingered for a little bit within that group, but then I was the what I'm talking about as of the con is that awkwardness if of being the minority that is a con because I felt and my wife felt we felt a little bit out of place sometimes as they were all talking about this and even laughing at like inside jokes. Oh Lam, I can't you believe, like, can you believe when this happened at the service? That was hilarious. And you're like, oh man, I can't believe when the camera guy, you know, he accidentally ripped a uh big burp, you know. I I don't know, or a big fart. I don't know. I guess you don't rip burps, you rip farts, I guess. But anyways, but if I wasn't there, I can't understand, so I can't laugh at it, right? And so everybody's laughing, and then you kind of like, oh yeah, haha, that sounds funny. It can be awkward, and especially if you're the that one minority person. So there's awkwardness. There is, and this might be this might be the um the greatest disadvantage. Uh this is the greatest con. And it's the disadvantage of being able to go even deeper with the people in your group. And what I mean by that is we have such busy schedules, and we would love to just do when we say that we're doing life with other couples or other families and other people, doing life with them doesn't mean that we're with them every single day. I mean, we find time to spend with them, but it's it's in between the sports schedules, it's in between, you know, all the work that I have to do, it's in between all the things that we have to do, but we find time for the small group friends. But when you actually take away a Sunday, that time on a Sunday, um, as being one less day per week where you're actually not connecting with the people in your small group, it's unfortunately that's one less opportunity for you to go even deeper with your with your small group. And um and for your kids, if you guys have if your group has a bunch of kids, like that's also another chance, like them for not to be able to get as close, and then you can only see each other at small group, or if they're if you're getting babysitters, then they never see each other. You just see each other for parties or little gatherings here and there. But like that's a that's a that's one of the cons, I think, of having people that are part of different churches is you just you miss out on that. And then the last thing is kind of we talked about it before, is there's sometimes the the theological or denominational drift that can happen, um that can kind of slowly pull a group apart just because of the slight differences of the ways that you see something. And we'd love to kind of put Christ over all things and not let that become a big deal. And we try to, and many times we can't find success for that for a while and for a time, but there's that little thing in the back of your mind that we sometimes you just don't feel that connection because of just the ways that you you you know live out your theology, you know, and so it sounds hard to myt all these things because we just want to be just the church, the big C church. We just want to all be connected. But these are just the realities, and they're not necessarily bad, they're not bad things, um but are things that can kind of make a group not as close, not as uniquely knit together. So what are we supposed to do? Group leaders, group pastors, let me st let me start um first to the group leaders. If you're a group leader um and you have people in the church, in the end, I think it's uh it's gotta be a decision that you're gonna make, unless your church, again, we'll talk about this in a sec, unless your church is directing you not to do it, um but that's gonna be have to be a decision that you're gonna make. Is this something that you guys can deepen it, you guys can still grow together, you can figure it out. But at the same time, if you're a leader and you're seeing that having s multiple different churches or maybe one person that's from a different church, and you see that it's actually um it's becoming almost a a hindrance to even to depth. Um, and it's becoming something where uh there's not quite that connection. I feel like there's a there's a group of people growing together in connection, and there's this other group. I think what you need to do is as a leader, you need to have a conversation with those people um and not kick them out. Never kick her people out. I would say that. Don't kick people out, but you might want to encourage them and say, you know, hey, it seems like there might be opportunity, you know, for you even to have a deeper connection with the people at your church. And um maybe we can help you get connected, but you're always welcome, you're welcome here as long as as long as you need to be. But here's my encouragement. And that's that's a hard conversation sometimes. It's awkward. And I'm I'm not saying it's not awkward, but again, for the sake of even their growth and develop and connection with other believers, and then also with with your group, you have to be aware of that. So but if it's not a problem and you guys are still getting going deep and you guys are still doing lots of life together, then again, maybe that's a conversation that doesn't need to happen because it's not creating all these cons that we talked about. You haven't seen these cons within it, and you're only seeing the pros. And then that's that's a good thing. And then the last thing I would say for you for small group pastors, um if you're a small group pastor, you should have you should have a plan. You should have a way that you're going to have this discussion. It should not be something that you're going to kind of be taken by surprise by. Um, you should have a little bit of at least a little bit of a of a plan of what you're going to say or what you're going to do and kind of what's your your mentality. I think it's okay to have a loose mentality, and that's what you're going to hear from me. Um, but you need to have some sort of response. So if people came to me and they had different people in their group, I would say this. That's great. Hey, so cool that you're having this opportunity to reach more. So many, so great that you're able to, and again, I list all those kind of deeper those pros, right? That you have big C church mentality, that you can share ideas and have that and grow together. That's so cool. Um as I've experienced in my experience, with my own personal experience, as well as in the experience of some of the groups that I've had, sometimes the challenge of having other people in your group can lead to, you know, a lack of depth, a lap, lack of even being able to take that step even deeper to where you want to go. And actually, it could put them at a greater disadvantage, you know, to connection because they're not stepping into the community that's made available to their church. So my advice, as I would advise you, is if you can find a way to make it unified to crossline, um then that's what I would say it's gonna do. Now, if it's gonna be something that's not going to be a quote unquote crossline group and it's just something that's gonna be your personal kind of growth and hangout, then more power to you. You know, get after it. We're excited about it. But um if you're gonna have a small group that's gonna be with crossline and we're gonna promote it with our small group campaigns, you know, this is what I would I would encourage you towards. So that's would be my mentality. So I say it's okay. As you heard me, I say it's okay. I would say my recommendation is to keep it unified to to one church. That would just be my recommendation. So but that goes to me, it's being said to me, who has a group that's all crossline and also has groups that are not all crossline. So I have both. So that's uh that's what I would say. So yeah, is that nice and clear for you? Both. I like both, but my advisement as quote unquote small group pastor of crossline is trying to be unified to crossline because I think you're gonna have a greater depth of experience. So interesting conversations. These are the practical things um that aren't as black and white as you'd like them to be, but there are good conversations for all of us to have. And it's things that you will experience if you haven't yet experienced it already within your group or at your church. So, hey, thank you guys so much for listening. I'm praying for you. I'm lifting you up. I'm praying for navigation for these kind of things as you navigate these uh this journey of kind of the practical side of things. And before we leave, I just want to bless you. I I like to close my podcast always with a blessing of Philippians chapter one, verses nine and eleven. It just says, and this is my prayer that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Hey, you guys have a great rest of your week, and thanks for listening.